armlessbear.com

Yesterday we received the contract for our house in Ashburn (the Albatross on Laceyville Terrace). Inexplicably, the people who are buying our house are desperate to move in ASAP. So much so that even though they have closing set for July 28th, they want to close July 14th. This is OK.BY.ME. But we had to read (ok, skim) 12 pages of real estate documentation, sign and initial in 259 distinct places. I had the luxury of receiving the fax at work and signing it here. All I had to do was get it to Mike, have him read/skim, sign, initial and fax it back to VA by 11:59:59 June 27th.
Easy, right?
No, not so much.
First, we wanted to have another look at the house on O’Sheridan across from Amy and Luke. I reaaaaaally want this house. So Mike, Adam, Steve, and I all met and toured the house for probably an hour. Then we took Steve home and went to Hubbard St. Diner for dinner because we were starving.
Plenty of time, right?
We finish dinner about 8:30pm CDT and head over to Mineral Point Rd. FedEx/Kinkos to fax (cumulatively) 25 pages of fax at $1.50/pg + the first page at $2.00. Yeeeeouch.
It doesn’t work.
The fax machine is older than Adam. I’m guessing it is older than Kitti, and we all know what happened to Kitti. (RIP Kitti) Judging by the yellowed appearance of this fax machine, I’m guessing it was rolled off the assembly line a good 10 years ago.
It either does not like our fax or calling Virginia. After 3 aborted attempts to get it to fax we give up.
Adam is full of energy, Mike is coming down with something, and the general level of tension is starting to get to me.
Deb calls us to remind us that this ABSOLUTELY HAS TO BE FAXED BEFORE MIDNIGHT EASTERN TIME.
Shitshitshitshitshit.
We decide to run to Target and ponder our fax/scanner/copier/printer options while Adam has a meltdown because
1)He has rocks in his shoes
2)He NEEDS to look at the Disney/Pixar Cars display located inconveniently at the end of the Printer/scanner/copier/fax aisle. They have made Lightning McQueen TVs, boomboxes and CD players. Damn them.

The All-in-One we decide on is in an open box, but we want that one. We take everything out of the box witth the help of a nice red-shirted Target employee. It looks ok. We put it in the car with Adam, a USB Cable and a box of Cars pull-up pants. Time: 9:46PM CDT.

After a slightly heated exchange, we head to Steve and Laurie’s. They have a real (not Vonage) phone line that doesn’t suck. If you’ve called us at home, you know what I mean.

Our All-in-one requires setup before we can fax. Thankfully, Laurie entertains Adam with a puzzle.
Finally (10pm-ish) we get it up and running.
We fax to our realtor. It works, but the paper shows a disturbing tendency to pull the paper side-ways and almost jam.
Deb calls us to say that we have 2 pages that aren’t signed. ARGH! We correct this problem and re-fax.

Aaaaaaaah. 50% done, only about 10:15. So…Close…To…Finish…

OK, we’re in the home-stretch. Dial buyer’s agent’s number. Begin faxing.
Paper jams.
Fax stops.
Re-dial.
Busy.
Re-dial.
Busy.
Re-dial.
JAM
(something rhyming with duck)
Re-dial
Busy.
Re-dial
JAM
(Ducks Galore)
BREATHE. Internally decide against homicide. Remind self of promised bottle of Dom Perignon and a trip to the spa when the house sells.
Shoo Mike away.
Re-dial
Fax.Each.Page.Slowly.Guiding.Paper.In.Slowly.
NO JAMS.
Done.
BREATHE.
Profusely thank Steve and Laurie for the use of their phone line and babysitting services.
Drive home, drop Adam into bed. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.